Art Buchwald Quotes

Author Image

Art Buchwald

Profession : Journalist

Birth : October 20, 1925

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Art Buchwald

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

Art Buchwald

There was tremendous pressure to take dialysis, and there were lots of tears when I broke the news to the family that I was not going to do it.

Art Buchwald

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Art Buchwald

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Art Buchwald

The Marine Corps was the first father figure I had ever known.

Art Buchwald

Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

Art Buchwald

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Art Buchwald

So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around.

Art Buchwald

A humorist has to be taken seriously before he's considered a real writer.

Art Buchwald

I've known Don since he came to Washington. When he first came to work for George W. Bush, he was a different Don Rumsfeld. He was jolly, full of life, and ready to go to war, but only if we could win.

Art Buchwald

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

Art Buchwald

I found out I'd spent my whole life believing things that weren't necessarily accurate. My sisters' memories of certain events are entirely different from mine.

Art Buchwald

Unless they've had some experience with it, the hospice is still a mystery to most people. Because hospice deals with death, people tend not to talk about it.

Art Buchwald

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Art Buchwald

Becoming eighty is a matter of life or death. I chose life. It is a much better position to be in, and it's easier on your back.

Art Buchwald

It is one thing to choose to go into a hospice; it's another thing to get on the air and tell everybody about it.

Art Buchwald

I was put on earth to make people laugh.

Art Buchwald

A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.

Art Buchwald