Carlos Mencia Quotes

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Carlos Mencia

Profession : Comedian

Birth : October 22, 1967

If you don't like your job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, shut up and get my burger with a smile, like in the commercials.

Carlos Mencia

I could always talk about being a Latino and having a Mexican mom and a Honduran dad and being from Honduras. That was always an easy go-to place. But on the other hand, it was a crutch.

Carlos Mencia

I was never funny. I'd be funny once a year at Christmas. I'd do impressions of how people talked and danced, but that stopped when I was about 11.

Carlos Mencia

People live in a place called Tornado Alley - and they're surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I'm sorry when they get hit by tornadoes, but when you live in Tornado Alley you can't really claim surprise.

Carlos Mencia

Shows I've done in war zones are the greatest. The first time I was in Iraq, I kid you not, I felt so uncomfortable having the troops say, 'Thank you.' It's so deep and heartfelt.

Carlos Mencia

Nobody calls me a racist when I do redneck jokes. Jeff Foxworthy can do as many 'You might be a redneck jokes' as he wants, but I'm telling you as soon as a guy like that does a black joke or something - 'How dare you!' I totally think it's unfair.

Carlos Mencia

If I've got a black joke, and I can't tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn't tell the joke anywhere else.

Carlos Mencia

People that love me, love me. But the people that hate me really hate me.

Carlos Mencia

It's not hard to lose weight.

Carlos Mencia

My favorite place is Maui. It's almost perfect there - the people, the weather, just everything. No matter how busy you are, when you get to Maui, you chill and relax.

Carlos Mencia

I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.

Carlos Mencia

When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.

Carlos Mencia

I was a very cocky and unlikable young comic. But I came from the hood, and that's what I learned.

Carlos Mencia

I don't think Latino; I think like me. If that happens to be Latino, then I guess that's me. But it doesn't affect my comedy in any way.

Carlos Mencia

The United States of America on our worst day is better than any other country on their best day. Period. End of story.

Carlos Mencia

You can take my dirtiest, craziest joke, and I can break down in my head why there's a good, honest, honorable reason for telling it.

Carlos Mencia

I always knew I was going to lose weight.

Carlos Mencia

We don't grow as human beings from good things happening. We grow from failures.

Carlos Mencia

If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that's a pretty awesome state of affairs.

Carlos Mencia

Is it my fault that there is a stereotype that black people are not good swimmers? I know that's a joke, but somebody will say, 'I can't believe you would say that.' Well, first of all it's just a joke, and second of all if you watch the Olympics, black people win medals in jumping, running. They don't win any in swimming.

Carlos Mencia