Dick Gregory Quotes

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Dick Gregory

Profession : Comedian

Birth : October 12, 1932

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

Dick Gregory

I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.

Dick Gregory

There is a limit on how much information you can keep bottled up.

Dick Gregory

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

Dick Gregory

Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.

Dick Gregory

I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.

Dick Gregory

I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'

Dick Gregory

We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.

Dick Gregory

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

Dick Gregory

I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn't have what I wanted.

Dick Gregory

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

Dick Gregory

You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.

Dick Gregory

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Dick Gregory

I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

Dick Gregory

I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'

Dick Gregory

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

Dick Gregory

When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.

Dick Gregory

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

Dick Gregory

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

Dick Gregory

When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, 'I've been gypped,' or, 'He welshed on the deal.'

Dick Gregory