Dylan Moran Quotes

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Dylan Moran

Profession : Comedian

Birth : November 3, 1971

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

Dylan Moran

I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.

Dylan Moran

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Dylan Moran

I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.

Dylan Moran

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Dylan Moran

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

Dylan Moran

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.

Dylan Moran

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

Dylan Moran

I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised... yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.

Dylan Moran

America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work harder than everyone else I can think of.

Dylan Moran

You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat.

Dylan Moran

Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It reminds me of some tragic aunt clapping her hands and bouncing into a room and announcing we should all play games... and if we don't we are all a rotten spoilsport.

Dylan Moran

I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.

Dylan Moran

Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.

Dylan Moran

A lot of the fiction I read growing up was post-war American, and not all of it centers on Manhattan, but around people of the Mad Men generation, people like John Cheever and, in more modern times, Don DeLillo, who I always mention.

Dylan Moran

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

Dylan Moran

When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.

Dylan Moran

Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.

Dylan Moran

I grew up in a house where there was lots of teasing and language play and laughter; it was very important. When I was a teenager, you wouldn't go to a bar and find lots of televisions everywhere. People were talking. Talk was the mental fire you would gather around in the evening. It occupied a big part of your existence.

Dylan Moran

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

Dylan Moran