Jay Leno Quotes

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Jay Leno

Profession : Comedian

Birth : April 28, 1950

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Jay Leno

Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

Jay Leno

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.

Jay Leno

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

Jay Leno

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.

Jay Leno

More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.

Jay Leno

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.

Jay Leno

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.

Jay Leno

You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.

Jay Leno

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.

Jay Leno

I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.

Jay Leno

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

Jay Leno

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

Jay Leno

Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.

Jay Leno

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Jay Leno

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.'

Jay Leno

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

Jay Leno