John Mulaney Quotes

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John Mulaney

Profession : Comedian

Birth : August 26, 1982

My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it's kind of hilarious.

John Mulaney

I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.'

John Mulaney

If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial.

John Mulaney

I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.

John Mulaney

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

John Mulaney

As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don't know, I just got quieter... With my friends, I was still an extrovert.

John Mulaney

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

John Mulaney

I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.

John Mulaney

Bill Clinton fascinates me because, at the time, it seemed like his shenanigans and the people after him were the biggest political stories you could ever imagine. I remember when the 'Starr Report' was published in the newspaper, all of us were reading it in the high-school cafeteria, and a dean started taking the newspapers away from us.

John Mulaney

I don't make plans anymore. So I'm not living minute to minute.

John Mulaney

Being president looks like the worst job in the world.

John Mulaney

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

John Mulaney

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

John Mulaney

I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on.

John Mulaney

It's important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don't think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.

John Mulaney

Sometimes I - with comedy, it's like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don't. And when they don't, they don't. And that's it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you're like, 'Hi! I'm -' and you stumble, and they're like, 'It's over.'

John Mulaney

You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.

John Mulaney

Most open-mic experiences I had were okay.

John Mulaney

I have too many influences to name. I like a wide variety of stuff, which I think has been helpful. I liked every comedian I saw on TV growing up in the '80s. Every comedian.

John Mulaney

I've seen most of the major, important shows, but I watch them all at once, like movies, so my TV relationships are still with shows like 'Law And Order: SVU,' 'Shark Tank,' and HGTV.

John Mulaney