Lenny Bruce Quotes

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Lenny Bruce

Profession : Comedian

Birth : October 13, 1925

There are never enough I Love You's.

Lenny Bruce

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Lenny Bruce

Communism is like one big phone company.

Lenny Bruce

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

Lenny Bruce

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

Lenny Bruce

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

Lenny Bruce

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Lenny Bruce

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Lenny Bruce

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Lenny Bruce

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Lenny Bruce

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

Lenny Bruce

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Lenny Bruce

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

Lenny Bruce

I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.

Lenny Bruce

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

Lenny Bruce

I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'

Lenny Bruce

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Lenny Bruce

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.

Lenny Bruce

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

Lenny Bruce

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.

Lenny Bruce