Louis C. K. Quotes

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Louis C. K.

Profession : Comedian

Birth : September 12, 1967

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.

Louis C. K.

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

Louis C. K.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

Louis C. K.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.

Louis C. K.

I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff.

Louis C. K.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

Louis C. K.

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

Louis C. K.

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'

Louis C. K.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Louis C. K.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

Louis C. K.

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.

Louis C. K.

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.

Louis C. K.

Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.

Louis C. K.

Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.

Louis C. K.

My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.

Louis C. K.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

Louis C. K.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

Louis C. K.

If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.

Louis C. K.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

Louis C. K.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

Louis C. K.