Maria Bamford Quotes

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Maria Bamford

Profession : Comedian

Birth : September 3, 1970

My mom is very structured. She gets up, she does her prayers, and she eats her oatmeal with blueberries and Greek yogurt, and she has her prayer list, and she doesn't worry too much about things.

Maria Bamford

I never really thought of myself as depressed so much as paralyzed by hope.

Maria Bamford

Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.

Maria Bamford

I've learned from my pets that it's okay to sit around, and people don't love you any less if you sit around all the time. In fact they might love you more, 'cos they always know where you're always going to be: you're always going to be laying in bed.

Maria Bamford

Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.

Maria Bamford

I love that vision-board thing where you cut out pictures that resonate with you so they'll manifest. I've done that since I was three; I cut out pictures of ladies from the JCPenney catalog.

Maria Bamford

I love festivals because they seem like more of an artsy, supportive attitude - which benefits a more theatrical performer sometimes with having theater and other non-club venues, as well as the audience being filled with other artists. It's nice to be with other comics, as usually at other road gigs, I'm solo for the most part.

Maria Bamford

I thought that when you have more success that you'd feel more buoyed or feel more confident. But in fact my brain has the gift of switching it around and saying, 'Now people are expecting something. Now you're really going to let people down.'

Maria Bamford

I think taking vacations and turning off the phone and only doing emails or social media for a specific short amount of time helps with work/life balance. If I'm checking it all day I start to feel cuckoo-bird. So I just do it once or twice a day instead of a thousand. And then remembering that it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter.

Maria Bamford

I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.

Maria Bamford

I was raised in Duluth, Minnesota, where you never say that you're cold, or that you're suffering, and you listen politely to people, even if you disagree with them completely. Then you say passive-aggressive things later.

Maria Bamford

When I'm up on stage and do a joke, half the people interpret it one way and half of them interpret it the way I want them to.

Maria Bamford

I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.

Maria Bamford

I have a hard time with interviews, because I'd rather hear about the interviewer.

Maria Bamford

I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because that's been said to me.

Maria Bamford

I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.

Maria Bamford

Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.

Maria Bamford

I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.

Maria Bamford

I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.

Maria Bamford

I'm sort of shy, and Twitter feels like chatting all day with a group. I like to follow people. I'm following Joel Osteen, Steve Martin, and an anonymous purple egg - just to see where they go with it.

Maria Bamford