Patton Oswalt Quotes

Author Image

Patton Oswalt

Profession : Comedian

Birth : January 27, 1969

I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.

Patton Oswalt

I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad.

Patton Oswalt

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

Patton Oswalt

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes.

Patton Oswalt

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

Patton Oswalt

The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

Patton Oswalt

Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.

Patton Oswalt

I haven't sworn off Facebook. I'm on Facebook. There's a fan page on Facebook that I will update, but I'm on there myself under a pseudonym, because there were a lot of people able to private-message me on Facebook, and it was getting really weird.

Patton Oswalt

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

Patton Oswalt

Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.'

Patton Oswalt

A lot of nerds aren't aware they're nerds. A geek has thrown his hands up to the universe and gone, 'I speak Klingon - who am I fooling? You win! I'm just gonna openly like what I like.' Geeks tend to be a little happier with themselves.

Patton Oswalt

Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period.

Patton Oswalt

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

Patton Oswalt

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

Patton Oswalt

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.

Patton Oswalt

I can't say that I ever abided nerd stereotypes: I was never alone or felt outcast.

Patton Oswalt

I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

Patton Oswalt

I'm not familiar with the metric system.

Patton Oswalt

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

Patton Oswalt

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

Patton Oswalt