Paul Merton Quotes

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Paul Merton

Profession : Comedian

Birth : July 9, 1957

I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and say, 'Hello, my name's Paul, will you be my friend?' But I found if I did an impression of the PE teacher or whatever and people laughed, then they did like me, and so then they started talking to me, rather than me making the initial overture and then maybe being rebuffed.

Paul Merton

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

Paul Merton

I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told Ken Dodd to get his teeth fixed. But those teeth turned out to be one of Dodd's big selling points.

Paul Merton

There's something magical about film, it's the ultimate for me, because it's kind of permanent - inasmuch as anything is. When I went to see Buster Keaton when I was about 14 and I came out of the cinema having really laughed at this film which had been made 50 years before, I thought: That's immortality. It's fantastic.

Paul Merton

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Paul Merton

It was a bizarre existence I led in my early twenties - that cliche of the comedian who goes out and entertains a roomful of people and then goes home to a lonely bedsit was unbelievably poignant for me because that was exactly what I was doing. I had periods of real loneliness.

Paul Merton

Maybe there's a perception of me as grumpy old bugger who suffers from depression. It's a total misconception. I don't think of myself as any grumpier than the next person. I'm not even grumpy first thing in the morning.

Paul Merton

Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.

Paul Merton

I was flying to the Maldives in 2000 when the plane went through turbulence - after that, I didn't fly for four years. Then a job came up in India, so I did a simulator flight and learnt about what goes on in the cockpit. I'm fine now.

Paul Merton

I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked - it's all about dedication, tunnel vision, pursuit of perfection, getting the gag right.

Paul Merton

In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.

Paul Merton

I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.

Paul Merton

The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.

Paul Merton

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.

Paul Merton

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

Paul Merton

I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people who seemed to have longevity were the ones who'd spent quite a bit of time learning about what they were doing before they made it.

Paul Merton

I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.

Paul Merton

Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.

Paul Merton

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

Paul Merton

And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.

Paul Merton