Paula Poundstone Quotes

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Paula Poundstone

Profession : Comedian

Birth : December 29, 1959

President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.

Paula Poundstone

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

Paula Poundstone

When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.

Paula Poundstone

When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.

Paula Poundstone

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

Paula Poundstone

When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.

Paula Poundstone

I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.

Paula Poundstone

I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies.

Paula Poundstone

There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.

Paula Poundstone

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

Paula Poundstone

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

Paula Poundstone

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

Paula Poundstone

I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.

Paula Poundstone

I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

Paula Poundstone

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.

Paula Poundstone