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Phyllis Diller Quotes
Phyllis Diller
Profession : Comedian
Birth : July 17, 1917
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
Phyllis Diller
My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
Phyllis Diller
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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