Robert Benchley Quotes

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Robert Benchley

Profession : Comedian

Birth : September 15, 1889

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.

Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Robert Benchley

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.

Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.

Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.

Robert Benchley

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.

Robert Benchley