Spike Milligan Quotes

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Spike Milligan

Profession : Comedian

Birth : April 16, 1918

Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!

Spike Milligan

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Spike Milligan

Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.

Spike Milligan

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

Spike Milligan

As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness.

Spike Milligan

You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals.

Spike Milligan

When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry.

Spike Milligan

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Spike Milligan

I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence.

Spike Milligan

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Spike Milligan

One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London.

Spike Milligan

I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships.

Spike Milligan

My father was a soldier, which meant that he was a warrior, which meant that he was important. My mother rode a horse and sang in the Governor-General's band, so that made her important as well.

Spike Milligan

We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating.

Spike Milligan

May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots.

Spike Milligan

Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently.

Spike Milligan

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Spike Milligan

My father being a soldier, every time I saw soldiers marching - 'Well,' I thought, 'my father's that,' and these soldiers were always looking magnificent. And I thought they were powerful; they were all-powerful. I knew that they were an elite in India.

Spike Milligan

Unbeknown to me, my manager, under my very nose (in a crouching position) has all these years been secretly compiling a book from my correspondence. I often wondered what she was doing in my office. She never did a stroke of work for me. All the time, I have been working for her.

Spike Milligan

I can't stand being late. I try to be professional. I try not to let people down. But people let me down. That's why I don't rely on anyone to call me. That's why I have clocks as well as people. I have to be able to call myself; it's the only way to be sure.

Spike Milligan