Artie Lange Quotes

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Artie Lange

Profession : Actor

Birth : October 11, 1967

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

Artie Lange

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.

Artie Lange

The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life?

Artie Lange

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

Artie Lange

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

Artie Lange

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

Artie Lange

It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage.

Artie Lange

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

Artie Lange

The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons.

Artie Lange

To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.

Artie Lange

Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be.

Artie Lange

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Artie Lange

My father was a really good athlete, so his pop-ups really were sky high. Eventually I learned how to judge them properly and catch them well. It was great training for when I started to play on teams, which I did all through school.

Artie Lange

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

Artie Lange

Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York - Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing 'Blazing Saddles;' when he left New York he started doing stuff like 'Robin Hood Men In Tights' - he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge.

Artie Lange

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

Artie Lange

Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.

Artie Lange

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

Artie Lange

I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.

Artie Lange

I got cast on 'MADtv' as one of eight permanent cast members chosen from 8,000 comics who'd been screened. For any comic trying to make something of themselves, that was like hitting triple 7s-jackpot.

Artie Lange