Artie Lange Quotes

Author Image

Artie Lange

Profession : Actor

Birth : October 11, 1967

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.

Artie Lange

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

Artie Lange

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

Artie Lange

People are so nice, you know. It's such a credit to Howard Stern - the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was lucky to be a part of that for a while.

Artie Lange

Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.

Artie Lange

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

Artie Lange

Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.

Artie Lange

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Artie Lange

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

Artie Lange

When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'

Artie Lange

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.

Artie Lange

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Artie Lange

When I became a standup comic, my hero, one of them, was Richard Pryor, and you know, I think that comedians, like, comedians talk about hacks, and what a hack is, is someone who does stuff that's not original.

Artie Lange

To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me!

Artie Lange

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

Artie Lange

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

Artie Lange

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.

Artie Lange