Chris Gethard Quotes

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Chris Gethard

Profession : Actor

Birth : May 23, 1980

When I really have it together, I think I successfully pull off looking like the exact middle point between Macklemore and Ron Howard, only with a much bigger forehead than either of them.

Chris Gethard

No one in New York hangs out in their apartments.

Chris Gethard

In 2002, I was taking an improv class because, as a white male with glasses who was born between 1978 and 1994, it's legally required that I take at least one improv class in my life.

Chris Gethard

I'm a dummy from New Jersey.

Chris Gethard

I will never forget what happened on August 14, 2003. I know the exact sequence of where I was for every moment of that evening. It was a tragic day, and it's burned into my memory. Many people might remember that date, vaguely, as the date of the infamous eastern seaboard blackout that plunged all of New York City into darkness.

Chris Gethard

By August of 2003, I had graduated from Rutgers, gone through a stretch of living at my parents' house, and wound up sharing an apartment with a college friend of mine in Montclair, New Jersey.

Chris Gethard

Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.

Chris Gethard

The UCB has long been known as a hub of the best comedy in New York City, but it's never been the most well organized or cared for place in the world.

Chris Gethard

It's a fun uphill struggle, making health insurance as a comedian, actor, and author. But it's hard to explain to people how I make a living. In New York, most people know enough creative types that I make some sense. But when I'm talking to someone like my suburban cousins or my mom's friends, it doesn't always go smoothly.

Chris Gethard

As a stand-up, as a storyteller, as an improviser, I've done thousands of shows. They allow me to work out new material that might turn into something later. They let me keep my muscles sharp for when the rent-paying gigs do come along. They keep me sane.

Chris Gethard

I feel like a lot of performers' worst shows happened in Philly. There's something about that town.

Chris Gethard

Shows are my saving grace. In between actual jobs, the only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that I can go up on stages.

Chris Gethard

There are certain fundamental things that scream, 'I just moved to New York.' Things like eating cheesecake at Junior's or heading out to Coney Island to ride the Cyclone.

Chris Gethard

In late 2004, I left my much-maligned home state of New Jersey for the supposedly greener pastures of Astoria, Queens. I'd finally be in the mix, living off the subway line, able to go from audition to audition during the day and from late night show to late night show in the wee hours of the morning.

Chris Gethard

Bedbugs have never been cool, and bedbugs will never be cool.

Chris Gethard

I had bedbugs in 2005. I felt like a leper. Worse than a leper. At least lepers had a colony they could go and live in with other people who empathized. I instead had friends stand up from tables and walk out of restaurants when I told them I had bedbugs, because they were afraid I'd transfer the bugs to them.

Chris Gethard

The stereotype of New Yorkers is that we're people who avoid warm human interaction, we're always in too much of a rush to enjoy simple things, and that we're just generally rude.

Chris Gethard

Any notable moments spent on a subway usually do nothing more than expose human awfulness at its most pronounced.

Chris Gethard

The bad you see in N.Y.C. is troubling to know when it rears its ugly head.

Chris Gethard

In 2010, I was the star of a sitcom. It came and went pretty fast. But in the months from when I was cast in the sitcom through when it was done airing, my life did change remarkably.

Chris Gethard