David Letterman Quotes

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David Letterman

Profession : Comedian

Birth : April 12, 1947

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.

David Letterman

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?

David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

There is no off position on the genius switch.

David Letterman

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

David Letterman

There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.

David Letterman

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

David Letterman

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

David Letterman

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.

David Letterman

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

David Letterman

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

David Letterman

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

David Letterman

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

David Letterman

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

David Letterman

The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.

David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

David Letterman

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.

David Letterman

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.

David Letterman

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

David Letterman