Dennis Miller Quotes

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Dennis Miller

Profession : Comedian

Birth : November 3, 1953

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Dennis Miller

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

Dennis Miller

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Dennis Miller

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

Dennis Miller

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

Dennis Miller

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.

Dennis Miller

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Dennis Miller

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Dennis Miller

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Dennis Miller

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

Dennis Miller

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Dennis Miller

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Dennis Miller

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

Dennis Miller

I lapsed into rude.

Dennis Miller

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

Dennis Miller

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

Dennis Miller

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

Dennis Miller

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

Dennis Miller

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

Dennis Miller

I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.

Dennis Miller