Elayne Boosler Quotes

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Elayne Boosler

Profession : Comedian

Birth : August 18, 1952

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Elayne Boosler

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Elayne Boosler

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

Elayne Boosler

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Elayne Boosler

We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face.

Elayne Boosler

The message of great art is to disturb.

Elayne Boosler

When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.

Elayne Boosler

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Elayne Boosler

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

Elayne Boosler

My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy.

Elayne Boosler

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

Elayne Boosler

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.

Elayne Boosler

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

Elayne Boosler

We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.

Elayne Boosler

I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'

Elayne Boosler

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Elayne Boosler

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Elayne Boosler

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Elayne Boosler