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Fred Allen Quotes
Fred Allen
Profession : Comedian
Birth : May 31, 1894
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I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
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