Jen Kirkman Quotes

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Jen Kirkman

Profession : Comedian

Birth : August 28, 1974

Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It's not like they're quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They're just using birth control.

Jen Kirkman

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation.

Jen Kirkman

I'm very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I'm not very calculated or thoughtful about my moves.

Jen Kirkman

People think anything done from a woman's perspective is only going to appeal to women.

Jen Kirkman

I actually like, love, and respect myself, and I try not to take anything too seriously.

Jen Kirkman

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.

Jen Kirkman

Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom's! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip.

Jen Kirkman

We have to get women's stories out there so a guy will read it, laugh, and think, 'I'm not laughing at a chick story but a story.'

Jen Kirkman

What they call 'alt-comedy' now is basically what comedy was like in the '80s. People tried different things, and everybody went to the clubs; there was no other place. Then somehow, the clubs became infiltrated by Dice Clay and Carrot Top types.

Jen Kirkman

By the time I started doing stand-up, the club scene had died.

Jen Kirkman

I'm not a big fan of young people.

Jen Kirkman

Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business.

Jen Kirkman

The urge that most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I do not want to raise a child.

Jen Kirkman

Improv requires one thing I lack that I think most mothers need - the basic instinct to put someone else first.

Jen Kirkman

A lot of relationships have ended for me in my 20s, because I knew that eventually those people would wanna settle down and have kids.

Jen Kirkman

Parenthood can be very rewarding, but let's face it, so are margaritas at the adults-only pool.

Jen Kirkman

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

Jen Kirkman

Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them!

Jen Kirkman

I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A.

Jen Kirkman

I'd love to be a hit in Germany. I'm working on trying to get a gig as David Hasselhoff's opening act.

Jen Kirkman