Jen Kirkman Quotes

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Jen Kirkman

Profession : Comedian

Birth : August 28, 1974

Don't overpack your carry-on. You're never going to read that second book or that fourth magazine.

Jen Kirkman

Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license.

Jen Kirkman

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan.

Jen Kirkman

I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom's brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me.

Jen Kirkman

As a woman of a certain age - and really, ever since I hit puberty and my baby-making parts were suddenly subject to public debate - I've been told over and over again that I will 'change my mind' about not wanting kids.

Jen Kirkman

Asking questions about why I don't want kids is really none of your business, but at least it's a dialogue.

Jen Kirkman

Having a child is a lifetime commitment, the biggest one you can possibly make.

Jen Kirkman

I think some parents think, 'Oh, having kids is so beautiful; I want others to feel the joy I do.'

Jen Kirkman

Sometimes I feel like if two parents were given $100, and a child-free person was given $100, everyone would assume that the parents would invest their money wisely because they're smart. And people like me would just go buy candy.

Jen Kirkman

Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a lot of strength and dedication to carve out a life that doesn't seem normal to anyone else.

Jen Kirkman

I'm wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics.

Jen Kirkman

I still have to work paycheck to paycheck. Being in show business doesn't indicate that you're a 'success,' in my opinion.

Jen Kirkman

Don't make being a girl or a victim part of your stand-up act. If you encounter sexism in the business, don't bring it on stage; it's not funny.

Jen Kirkman

Eventually I'm going to be too old to be on camera, and I've been doing stand-up a long time.

Jen Kirkman

If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that.

Jen Kirkman

I want to travel the world and enjoy things, so if you gave me $50 million and said, 'You can never perform again,' I probably would take it and be fine with it.

Jen Kirkman

I love being on the road, but to make a living as a road comic, you have to be on it most weeks out of the year. That's just too much for me. But I would love to be such a successful road comic that I don't have to go on it every week.

Jen Kirkman