Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

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Jerry Seinfeld

Profession : Comedian

Birth : April 29, 1954

I like money, but it's never been about the money.

Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men want to make women happy.

Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Jerry Seinfeld

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Jerry Seinfeld

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

Jerry Seinfeld

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

Jerry Seinfeld

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.

Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Jerry Seinfeld

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Jerry Seinfeld

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Jerry Seinfeld