Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

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Jerry Seinfeld

Profession : Comedian

Birth : April 29, 1954

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

Jerry Seinfeld

There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win.

Jerry Seinfeld

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

Jerry Seinfeld

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think.

Jerry Seinfeld

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.

Jerry Seinfeld

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time.

Jerry Seinfeld

I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense.

Jerry Seinfeld

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

Jerry Seinfeld

If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

Jerry Seinfeld

For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.

Jerry Seinfeld

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

Jerry Seinfeld

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen.

Jerry Seinfeld

The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.

Jerry Seinfeld

I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward.

Jerry Seinfeld

A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match.

Jerry Seinfeld

If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling.

Jerry Seinfeld

Stand-up is hard.

Jerry Seinfeld

When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love being a dad. I just love it.

Jerry Seinfeld

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

Jerry Seinfeld