Lewis Black Quotes

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Lewis Black

Profession : Comedian

Birth : August 30, 1948

If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.

Lewis Black

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.

Lewis Black

My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.

Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Lewis Black

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Lewis Black

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Lewis Black

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

Lewis Black

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

Lewis Black

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

Lewis Black

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Lewis Black

Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.

Lewis Black

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.

Lewis Black

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

Lewis Black

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

Lewis Black

It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.

Lewis Black

My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

Lewis Black

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

Lewis Black

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

Lewis Black

Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.

Lewis Black

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!

Lewis Black