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Lisa Lampanelli Quotes
Lisa Lampanelli
Profession : Comedian
Birth : July 19, 1961
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The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger.
Lisa Lampanelli
Nobody escapes during Lisa Lampanelli's show.
Lisa Lampanelli
That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.
Lisa Lampanelli
I think people were just seriously happy to find a funny woman who does comedy like a man. Because I learned how to do comedy from guys, from watching those Dean Martin roasts years ago.
Lisa Lampanelli
I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived.
Lisa Lampanelli
The more conservative you dress, the more you can get away with.
Lisa Lampanelli
I just really work hard on myself every day.
Lisa Lampanelli
What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes.
Lisa Lampanelli
I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook.
Lisa Lampanelli
Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here.
Lisa Lampanelli
Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically incorrect themes of my act. But I am continually amazed by how a certain section of our society seems to be so freakin' sensitive about jokes.
Lisa Lampanelli
By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there?
Lisa Lampanelli
Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody.
Lisa Lampanelli
Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong.
Lisa Lampanelli
You have to really be on your own side.
Lisa Lampanelli
I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net.
Lisa Lampanelli
Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over the weight to really work on this. For whatever reason, I had to take the weight off to do this work.
Lisa Lampanelli
Basically, I think some of the weight helped take some of the walls down in reality, so basically I got a little more confident. I'm definitely not super confident, but I am confident that I don't have to hide behind those layers of fat and that I can actually open up to people a little more.
Lisa Lampanelli
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