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Lisa Lampanelli Quotes
Lisa Lampanelli
Profession : Comedian
Birth : July 19, 1961
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It used to be that in media, Johnny Carson used to be the most important person when he would invite you over to sit on the couch after your comedy skit. Now it's whatever Howard Stern says goes.
Lisa Lampanelli
I remember once doing a benefit for a Jewish charity and wearing an enormous cross. I kind of don't let the audience dictate anything to me. I sort of dictate to them, and they better be on board.
Lisa Lampanelli
I usually get so warned when I go to Detroit, like, 'Oh my God, don't go to this section, don't go to that section.' I've never had any issues in Detroit. I love that there's enough of a racial mix of people to make fun of. I've always had a good time there.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.
Lisa Lampanelli
A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I'd be the most flattered I'd be in my life. If I could pick some people to roast, I'd pick my heroes, Don Rickles and Howard Stern. Those are the people I'd like to give some honor to.
Lisa Lampanelli
The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.
Lisa Lampanelli
Every day, I wake up and ask, 'Am I hungry?' If I'm physically hungry, I eat something that's hopefully good for me, and then do it again in a few hours. If I get a phone call I don't like, I'll say to myself, 'Is that the reason I want to eat something?' If it is, I try not to do it. It's literally a lifestyle.
Lisa Lampanelli
I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more.
Lisa Lampanelli
I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.
Lisa Lampanelli
'Baywatch' sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going to buy a DVD. But really, you just kind of find out the categories of what's most foolish about these people. With Hasselhoff, it's obviously the huge man-tits with chest hair, probably a lot about his crappy acting, obviously the hamburger video - that's huge.
Lisa Lampanelli
I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know.
Lisa Lampanelli
Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you have to stay current.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.
Lisa Lampanelli
Crazy diets, good diets, you can't name one I didn't do.
Lisa Lampanelli
People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and each has a story to tell. These people should be helped, embraced, and not dismissed. We need to open our hearts and our minds to them, and we just may learn we're pretty much all the same.
Lisa Lampanelli
When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something.
Lisa Lampanelli
Howard Stern gave me the best advice about Twitter and the N word. He said maybe onstage people get the intention behind the joke, but a tweet is 140 characters or less, and maybe that's why people overreact. I don't need to rustle any more feathers and lose any investors.
Lisa Lampanelli
In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm not a private person. I like hanging out and talking to fans. But my life isn't so interesting that you want to see the inside of it.
Lisa Lampanelli
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