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Lisa Lampanelli Quotes
Lisa Lampanelli
Profession : Comedian
Birth : July 19, 1961
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Too many people have already lost their lives to HIV and AIDS, and the more celebrities who can bring attention to the issue, the better.
Lisa Lampanelli
William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.
Lisa Lampanelli
I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, 'You're sold out - you can add two more shows.'
Lisa Lampanelli
Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the prize was fire.
Lisa Lampanelli
I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator.
Lisa Lampanelli
I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny way.
Lisa Lampanelli
With Don Rickles and me, we're just telling the truth. We're not terrific people, and we're not gonna win the beauty contest. We're just average Joes. We're just being who we are, and I think people like that.
Lisa Lampanelli
I'm not saying the N word anymore.
Lisa Lampanelli
I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.
Lisa Lampanelli
Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it.
Lisa Lampanelli
Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me.
Lisa Lampanelli
I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain.
Lisa Lampanelli
What you bring to the stage is what you are in real life... people sense that.
Lisa Lampanelli
I feel that if I retire today, I've done enough. I've achieved everything in comedy... I feel I don't need anything else. It's already built.
Lisa Lampanelli
My thing has always been, I've never been very open and vulnerable with people, so the minute I got this dog, everything changed. It just opened me up and made me more loving... It's all because of him... He's made me a better person... I can tell people what I feel now. I can cry in front of people sometimes.
Lisa Lampanelli
Mr. Trump, I really can't comment, because he was my boss on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' and I just don't think we should let him be president until he produces evidence that the thing on his head is real. Because he wanted to see Obama's birth certificate, we should ask for a certificate of real hair.
Lisa Lampanelli
The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be.
Lisa Lampanelli
I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.
Lisa Lampanelli
I was 25 myself once. I also thought I knew everything. I also thought that I could give singers singing advice and comics comedy advice. When you're that age, you know it all, so I understand it. But when you're tired and you don't have patience for it, you definitely snap.
Lisa Lampanelli
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