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Rita Rudner Quotes
Rita Rudner
Profession : Comedian
Birth : September 17, 1955
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.
Rita Rudner
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.
Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Rita Rudner
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