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Rita Rudner Quotes
Rita Rudner
Profession : Comedian
Birth : September 17, 1955
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Rita Rudner
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
My Vegas act is how I make my money.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique.
Rita Rudner
Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act.
Rita Rudner
Every audience has a personality. Some of them don't have the best personalities, but you're on a date with them for an hour and a half, so you just make the best of it.
Rita Rudner
I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.
Rita Rudner
I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.
Rita Rudner
I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.
Rita Rudner
If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention.
Rita Rudner
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