Steven Wright Quotes

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Steven Wright

Profession : Comedian

Birth : December 6, 1955

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

Steven Wright

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

Steven Wright

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

Steven Wright

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

Steven Wright

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

Steven Wright

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

Steven Wright

I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.

Steven Wright

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Steven Wright

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

Steven Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Steven Wright

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Steven Wright

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Steven Wright

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before.

Steven Wright