Quotes for Funny

I was born to be funny.

Buddy Hackett

And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me.

Molly Ivins

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Joe E. Lewis

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

Gertrude Stein

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Steven Wright

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

E. B. White

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Walt Disney

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Bill Hicks

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

Steven Wright

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Jules Renard

There's a funny thing about fame. The truth is you run as fast as you can towards it because it's everything you want. Not just the fame but what it represents, meaning work, meaning opportunity. And then you get there, and it's shocking how immediately you become enveloped in this world that is incredibly restricting.

George Clooney

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Jeff Ross

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

Jeff Ross

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis