Bob Mortimer Quotes

Bob Mortimer

Profession : Comedian

Birth : May 23, 1959

Comedy, if it didn't save my life, certainly gave me a very different life.

Bob Mortimer

We miss 'House of Fools' a lot. We always enjoyed doing that; it felt a bit like a different and fresh show for British TV, so we always feel attached to those sort of things.

Bob Mortimer

You know the thing I liked about fishing when I was 14 was being out with your mates mucking about, throwing bread around, getting a bit wet maybe.

Bob Mortimer

I don't think 'Shooting Stars' has ever successfully been replaced.

Bob Mortimer

We've ignored audiences all these years. We've just amused ourselves and hoped enough people would want to eavesdrop to make it all viable.

Bob Mortimer

Funnily enough, 'Shooting Stars,' that stupid little panel show, is the most influential thing we've done.

Bob Mortimer

I've been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke.

Bob Mortimer

Throughout my entire three years at Sussex I never spoke to another law student. I talked in tutorials but as soon as they finished I was away back to my room to listen to my records.

Bob Mortimer

I go on 'Sunday Brunch' and Simon Rimmer's mashed potato is like heaven.

Bob Mortimer

After my triple bypass I got my sheet of healthy and unhealthy foods and I was like, croissants!?! Literally as bad as lard.

Bob Mortimer

I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!

Bob Mortimer

I spend a lot of money on the little things that make me happy, like 3 falafels from M&S to eat on the train on the way up to Edinburgh, but I do keep a close eye on the bigger picture. I don't flash the cash ridiculously on expensive things.

Bob Mortimer

I sometimes wonder, with the Oxbridge comics, the broadcasters seem to say, at some point, now I trust you to do a documentary, you can be the voice for a maths show, or whatever. I don't think we're ever considered in that way.

Bob Mortimer

Between the age of 30 and going fishing, none of my friendships had any of that magic dust of when you were young. There was a sort of functionality to them, just keeping in touch. 'Oh, I should invite so and so, I haven't seen them for ages.

Bob Mortimer

I eat a tin of sardines every day.

Bob Mortimer

The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.

Bob Mortimer

I hate dinner parties, you know, can't stand them. Friends don't bother inviting me any more, because they know I won't come. I could never think of anything to say between courses - it's a confidence thing, I suppose.

Bob Mortimer

There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup, struggling to make an impact on the world.

Bob Mortimer

I come from the era when that continental stuff, the skimmed yogurt and a croissant, was a healthy start to the day.

Bob Mortimer

A lot of comedians want people to listen to them. I don't think we've ever been that bothered about whether people would want to listen to us.

Bob Mortimer