Chelsea Handler Quotes

Author Image

Chelsea Handler

Profession : Comedian

Birth : February 25, 1975

The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.

Chelsea Handler

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

Chelsea Handler

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out.

Chelsea Handler

I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.

Chelsea Handler

Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?

Chelsea Handler

You either become like your parents or you become the opposite of your parents. And I like to think that I'm the opposite of my parents.

Chelsea Handler

Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.

Chelsea Handler

We women have to stick together.

Chelsea Handler

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

Chelsea Handler

I was the youngest of six kids, and my brothers and sisters were kind of a lot older than me. And the one sister that was, like, in a close age range - she was five years older than me. She was my closest sister in age, and she was a loser.

Chelsea Handler

Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'

Chelsea Handler

I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility.

Chelsea Handler

Some men are just disgusted with me and think I should have my mouth sewn shut.

Chelsea Handler

Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.

Chelsea Handler

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'

Chelsea Handler

I like to have a home for people just to have a lot of fun.

Chelsea Handler

Once you've achieved success, and you're making decisions that are working, I don't understand why anyone would be second-guessing themselves.

Chelsea Handler

I encourage interoffice romance.

Chelsea Handler

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.

Chelsea Handler

Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.

Chelsea Handler