Chelsea Handler Quotes

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Chelsea Handler

Profession : Comedian

Birth : February 25, 1975

Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.

Chelsea Handler

I've always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. I'd be with the cool girls, then the uncool girls. I migrated from group to group because I was bored or people got bored with me. I was very intense.

Chelsea Handler

There's a lot of pretty funny women out there.

Chelsea Handler

It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

Chelsea Handler

I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.

Chelsea Handler

I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic.

Chelsea Handler

There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true racism going on, and people should be able to identify what that is, comparatively.

Chelsea Handler

I think comedy has to come from your authentic point of view.

Chelsea Handler

I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard's summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him.

Chelsea Handler

Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute!

Chelsea Handler

I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.

Chelsea Handler

You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.

Chelsea Handler

The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.

Chelsea Handler

You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?

Chelsea Handler

When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.

Chelsea Handler

I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.

Chelsea Handler

There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves are good. I try and embrace all those things. I try and embrace the times where I'm not sure of myself or I'm like, 'Is this going to work? Is this going to land?'

Chelsea Handler

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

Chelsea Handler

If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.

Chelsea Handler

I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.

Chelsea Handler