Chelsea Handler Quotes

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Chelsea Handler

Profession : Comedian

Birth : February 25, 1975

Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.

Chelsea Handler

I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them.

Chelsea Handler

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.

Chelsea Handler

I try to make fun of everyone as often as possible, especially minorities.

Chelsea Handler

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.

Chelsea Handler

I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I want and stay wherever and bring my friends with me and bring my family on vacation. That's amazing.

Chelsea Handler

You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer.

Chelsea Handler

I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.

Chelsea Handler

I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem.

Chelsea Handler

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea Handler

I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.

Chelsea Handler

Who would marry me anyway? I'm a handful.

Chelsea Handler

I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.

Chelsea Handler

Personally, I'd have a baby just for the epidural.

Chelsea Handler

That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort.

Chelsea Handler

You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.

Chelsea Handler

I definitely don't want to have kids. I don't think I'd be a great mother. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child.

Chelsea Handler

I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.

Chelsea Handler

People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?

Chelsea Handler

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.

Chelsea Handler