Chelsea Handler Quotes

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Chelsea Handler

Profession : Comedian

Birth : February 25, 1975

Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home.

Chelsea Handler

Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they're there. I believe it. You should too. Because now I'm with someone who makes me grow every day. His name is Netflix.

Chelsea Handler

If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.

Chelsea Handler

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.

Chelsea Handler

My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely.

Chelsea Handler

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

Chelsea Handler

Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.

Chelsea Handler

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?

Chelsea Handler

I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.

Chelsea Handler

I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.

Chelsea Handler

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.

Chelsea Handler

I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.

Chelsea Handler

I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me.

Chelsea Handler

The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.

Chelsea Handler

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

Chelsea Handler

I always thought to myself, 'I don't want to be doing stand-up when I'm 40 years old.'

Chelsea Handler

My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.

Chelsea Handler

Men are always like, 'You're so intimidating.' I don't find myself to be. But whatever - I'm not going to try to be less intimidating. It's just a matter of finding a guy who's able to deal with it.

Chelsea Handler

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

Chelsea Handler

I have severe ADD, and I'm constantly looking to amuse myself.

Chelsea Handler