Groucho Marx Quotes

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Groucho Marx

Profession : Comedian

Birth : October 2, 1890

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.

Groucho Marx

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Groucho Marx

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Groucho Marx