Groucho Marx Quotes

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Groucho Marx

Profession : Comedian

Birth : October 2, 1890

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Groucho Marx

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Groucho Marx

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Groucho Marx

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Groucho Marx

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Groucho Marx

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Groucho Marx

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Groucho Marx

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Groucho Marx

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

Groucho Marx

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Groucho Marx

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Groucho Marx