Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Author Image

Jeff Foxworthy

Profession : Comedian

Birth : September 6, 1958

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Jeff Foxworthy

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Jeff Foxworthy

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

Jeff Foxworthy

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Jeff Foxworthy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Jeff Foxworthy

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

Jeff Foxworthy

There's no down time any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

Jeff Foxworthy

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

I know God is real.

Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

Jeff Foxworthy

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

Jeff Foxworthy