Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Author Image

Rodney Dangerfield

Profession : Comedian

Birth : November 22, 1921

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Rodney Dangerfield

My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield