Quotes for Funny

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

W. H. Auden

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don't talk about it too much in the press is because it isn't funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn't seem right.

Matthew Perry

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

Ironing boards are a classic example of something I find horrible about modern society: the excitementation, for want of a better word, of mundane things. Funny ironing board covers - I hate them.

Daniel Radcliffe

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

Les Dawson

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Albert Einstein

In general, the straight line of a joke sets up a premise, an expectation. Then the funny ending - the punch line - in a sense contradicts the original assumption by refusing to follow what had seemed a reasonable train of thought. Many jokes involve that simple matter of leaping outside what had appeared to be the rules of the game at the moment.

Steve Allen

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Isaac Asimov

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Steven Wright

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.

Vladimir Nabokov

I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me.

Marilyn Manson

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Bob Hope

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead